art

The lost art of stepping back. Not out, not gone, just back

I have found the best response to no response is to step back

not back to what was but back inwards.

We can continue in silence. We can continue in space and we can continue in the life that we want without an all consuming obsession.

It has never meant the choice wasn't always to choose each other.

Just that choices on ourselves were completely interrupted.

How beautiful to never settle for half love, half truth or half connection.

The art of surrender without a gift. To have been the gift is the love. To allow someone the silence without expectation. To invite the gift of not being chosen with the truth of wanting to be.

How beautiful to admit you cant be what anyone needs and still be it. What a world of wonder to explore within instead of outside. Yet still offer the outside to the people completely devoid of real human connection. and what a beautiful gift to have grieved the love you wanted because you simply could not meet yourself any deeper. When you finally seal the vessel and the earth shatters and the things you held so tightly too all leave the moment you share how beautiful your heart is. How incredibly rare to bridge the gap so they can move on. To stay stagnant just to allow them to be happy. Because what a special gift to release what you thought you always wanted and send them what they need. How special to fill their void so they may find what they really love. How heartbreakingly painful to love everything, even the unlovable so much you would die over and over again to release them to find the love of their life. And maybe when you do yours will find you.

how breathtakingly kind to break your own heart to heal someone elses and allow their freedom to override your prayer.

for breaking my own heart has never been something i wanted. It was just what they all do. Easily. and that is not my pain. That is theirs. And how incredibly rare to say yes to walking in to something you care so much about losing when they never cared to lose you. How special to share your mind body and soul knowing you will have to leave it to the person who they were meant to have.

and how amazing to never lay down your body in search of pleasure but in search of someone who may be brave enough to hold it.

It will kill you over and over. and the point of it. I don't know. Maybe to see if I could still love it when it wasn't mine.

Maybe people just needed to know what it felt like to be loved by someone scared to lose them. or who thought for the moment they were who their souls reveal and not who they really are.

maybe they needed to feel what they wanted in order to find it

and maybe that was always the point

to lose with grace instead of power, greed or revenge.

but to have loved as much as was allowed .

to learn that every time you had to lose you always found a way

and maybe that was never a mistake. Maybe it was the letting go that made you win. Maybe all of us were the losers. the ones who didn't deserve you

and how beautiful to think all these years later it was the opposite even still.